That pesky r-word

Again? Yes... Again. Fresh after doing some blog stalking and reading this post from a woman who has adopted two special needs children.

Matthew asked me last night if it really offended me when people used the r-word. And this is what I told him.

"It doesn't personally offend me."

But this is where it gets a little tricky right? I have yet to have one of my boys be hurt because someone called their sister (who is superbly awesome by the way) 'retarded.' But I know of siblings who have been offended.

I am not sure Dylan will ever have the mental capability to be offended when someone calls her that word. But I know of children with social challenges that have been hurt. Not only being called it directly (which is ridiculous), but by also hearing it and making the association to themselves, assuming people are talking about them, and knowing that it's not nice.

So, no, I am personally not offended. But it just wouldn't be like me to stop there would it?

I will say that if someone knows that this word is offensive to some (many) people and they still choose to use it, that it says a lot about that person. A little part of my heart hurts when people, especially someone I like, say it un-apologetically. And especially if we have had conversations about it. It just makes me look at these people a little differently. After all, if you could cut out one little word from your vocabulary and avoid offending some (many) people, why in the world would you not just get rid of that word?

Don't just not use it around me, don't use it at all.

I just don't get the defiance with regards to using it. And I honestly think it's weird.

Maybe, just maybe they don't get it for real. To that I would probably argue that there is still no harm in cutting it out of the vocab, even if you personally DON'T get it.

BUT, let's just try one more time...

When people say "You're retarded" It isn't meant as a compliment right? They are saying it meaning challenged, slow, awkward. So basically what they are saying is "You're like Dylan, and that sucks." I can see how a sibling, parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent of Dylan might (should?) be a little offended by hearing anything about Dylan sucks.

Now think of all the siblings, parent, aunts, uncles and grandparents there are of special need kids. (Lots!)

Does that help? Because again, knowing that by using the r-word you are basically saying "You're like someone I/you/we love, and that is really not a great thing" just shouldn't roll off the tongue as easily as the word 'retarded' does.

I know, I know, I know... I KNOW we were raised using this word in jest, we just were, everyone was saying it. But now that we are older and more wise? Now that we have the knowledge that this word hurts feelings, should it be okay to still use it? Or should we just get rid of this teensy word?

I do know many people who have been working on not using it (isn't it crazy how words become habits? The same with ALL swear words right?) and occasionally it slips, but they catch themselves. They are trying. Several people have actually mentioned to me that the last time I posted about it, they got it, they read the link I gave and they understood and are now paying closer attention.

I also know that my niece Eden pays attention when people say it, notices and has gone as far as telling people it hurts people's feelings. She also said she rarely hears that word used amongst her friends. (Yay!)

If you still really don't get it, you can learn more at http://www.r-word.org/ and you can also make a pledge not to use it and to promote the acceptance of people with disabilities.

That pesky little word...

[Now here imagine the CUTEST picture of Dylan ever because I didn't have a chance to get to the PC to add one to this post, maybe I will add one later!]